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The Mask We Wear: Identity and Self-Image


   The Mask We Wear: Identity and Self-Image

                 How often do you pause and ask yourself, "Who am I really?" We live in a world that demands labels: parent, partner, leader, achiever, failure. From childhood, we learn to craft stories about who we are                   and who we should be, creating an identity that feels as familiar as a favorite t-shirt. But what if that identity is actually a mask that conceals our true potential?

 

The stories we tell ourselves — and others — shape our self-image.

 

                 Psychologists like Erik Erikson and James Marcia have long emphasized that identity is not fixed but formed through experiences, choices, and relationships. Yet many of us cling to outdated or                           incomplete stories because they feel safe. We might say, “I’m not good at public speaking,” or “I’m just not creative,” or “I’m always the one who plays it safe.” Over time, these labels become cages                       that subtly limit what we believe we can do.

 

 

                 Neuroscience shows that our brains are wired to conserve energy by reinforcing existing beliefs (Rock, 2009). The more we repeat the same story about ourselves, the more it becomes a self-fulfilling                     prophecy. Confirmation bias leads us to seek evidence that supports our current identity while dismissing anything that contradicts it. The result? We filter out possibilities that could foster our                           growth,remaining stuck in roles that may no longer serve us.

But identity is not destiny. A powerful coaching relationship invites you to examine the    mask you wear to ask, “Whose story is this, really?” A coach might challenge you with questions like, “What would it mean to let go of this label?” or “What identity would you choose if you were free of others’ expectations?” By exploring these questions, you begin to separate who you are from who you’ve been led to believe you are.

Consider the story of Anna, a successful lawyer who always identified as the ‘practical one’ in her family, the person who chose stability over dreams. Yet inside, she yearned to write, to travel, and to explore her creative side. Through coaching, she learned to challenge the belief that practicality was her only safe option. She discovered that being ‘creative’ wasn’t just a dream, but a part of herself she had hidden behind the mask of responsibility. By embracing that hidden self, she unlocked new possibilities for both her personal and professional life.
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               The mask we wear can protect us, but it can also suffocate us. When we cling too tightly to a fixed identity, we risk missing out on the growth and joy that come from embracing our authentic, evolving selves. Coaches can help us gently peel back the layers, question the                   labels, and step into a life that feels more aligned with who we truly are.

 

So, ask yourself: What mask am I wearing today? Is it still serving me,

or is it time to take it off and discover who I might become?

 

Dr. Thomas Yates, PCC

Academic Director, Thailand Coaching Institute

director@coachthai.com

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