Perfectionism: The Pursuit That Paralyzes
Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it’s a shield.”
Brené Brown
At first glance, perfectionism might seem like a virtue. Who wouldn’t want to do things well, to be thorough, thoughtful, and produce exceptional work? However, perfectionism isn’t about excellence—it’s about fear. It’s the relentless voice that says, “If it’s not flawless, it’s worthless.” And that voice can be paralyzing.
Perfectionism differs from striving for high standards. It’s rooted in fear of judgment, failure, and not being enough. Rather than motivating people, it often does the opposite: it stifles creativity, hinders progress, and leads to chronic dissatisfaction. It whispers that we’re never ready, never good enough, never quite “there.”
Consider the example of Maya, a talented graphic designer who had been dreaming of launching her own freelance business. Every time she attempted to finish her website or publish her portfolio, she found herself obsessing over fonts, color shades, and whether her designs would be "perfect enough" to attract clients. She revised endlessly, never launched, and gradually started to lose confidence in her own abilities. Her pursuit of perfection stalled her dreams—and her identity became entangled with the fear of being exposed as “not quite good enough.”
This is where coaching can create a significant difference. Coaches are uniquely positioned
to assist coachees like Maya in identifying the emotional undercurrents of their perfectionism. A coach might ask:
“What’s the cost of waiting for this to be perfect?”
“Whose standards are you trying to meet?”
“What would ‘good enough’ look like if progress mattered more than perfection?”
Such questions help clients shift their focus from outcomes to processes, and from judgment to curiosity. By creating a safe space, the coach enables the coachee to explore not only the surface behaviors of perfectionism—such as procrastination or micromanagement—but also the deeper narratives behind them, which are often tied to self-worth, childhood expectations, or cultural conditioning.
Importantly, coaches must also manage their own perfectionistic tendencies. Coaching isn't about offering perfect insights or guiding sessions flawlessly; it's about presence, trust, and growth. If coaches expect themselves to be perfect, they can unconsciously project this onto their clients, reinforcing the very pattern they seek to undo.
Helping clients reframe their relationship with failure is crucial. One powerful tool is “the imperfect action challenge”: encouraging clients to intentionally do something messy, unfinished, or outside their comfort zone—and then reflect on the experience. More often than not, they realize the world didn’t end and that growth often begins where perfection ends.
In the end, coaching helps people realize that perfection is not the price of acceptance. It’s a defense mechanism—one that may have once served them but no longer does. By gently dismantling that belief, coaches create space for bold action, creativity, and authentic self-expression.
So ask yourself—and your coachees—not, “How can I get this perfect?” but, “What becomes possible when I let go of perfect?”
The answer may be the beginning of something truly extraordinary.
